In some ways, I cannot believe it’s already been eight weeks and in others, I feel like it has been a lifetime of emotion, growth, and introspection. For all of you that have been asking for more posts, I apologize. My hands and heart are fuller than I could have imagined. For my family and long-distance friends, I’m posting a video that I put together of Annie’s first eight weeks and some photos as well.
December was the best and the worst month of my life. Shortly after we got Annie home, I had to be re-hospitalized for a uterine infection. Laying in the ER that night, I hurt much worse than when I was in labor and felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, having to leave my little girl at home where she was safe. That 48 hours without her was a dark time for me. I couldn’t make milk unless Kenneth brought clothes/blankets that smelled like her from home. This mother-daughter bond is so intense. The reunion with her despite the relatively short separation is something I will never forget.
Lately the crying has been very challenging: I am used to soothing babies as part of my work, so it’s hard to struggle at times with my own child. Annie is definitely her mother’s daughter (poor Kenneth). She has the hardest time being still and is often too busy to sleep so I’ve recruited one of my dear friends who is a professional baby whisperer, Kathi, to inspire some calm in the two of us.
I started climbing again last week and it feels so good. My level of strength is humbling, but it is starting to come back. The first time I went, my mind was full of Annie and worries of leaving her for a couple hours, but this past week, I was able to climb and use it to clear my mind and re-center. I am so relieved to know that climbing still works that way for me. I’ve always needed climbing or something physical (running, swimming) to cope with my stress, but I’m trying to learn new ways as well. Annie and I are doing some mommy-baby yoga & I’ve made a mommy-baby climbing workout that is downright hilarious (think pull-ups with baby in moby wrap, kissy push-ups, itsy-bitsy spider stretches . . .whatever works, right?).